Words Unspoken
by RLBB
Summary: Maggie's thoughts during the end of 1x09.


This is my take on what Maggie's feelings are during the last part of 1x09 _The Blackout, Part 2: Mock Debate_. I just wanted to write a bit about what she may have been thinking about.

Of course I don't own anything _The Newsroom_ is Aaron Sorkin's amazing work. Dialogue/scene is from 1x09.

Title inspired by a lyric from 'Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow' which was played at the end of the episode.

Note: Thoughts italicized.

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_Words Unspoken_

I turned the bottle I was holding over in my hand as I listened to my best friend ask the same question for what felt like the thirtieth time.

"You're a hundred percent sure?" Lisa questioned.

I shifted to face her and launched into my 'I'm over Jim' speech. No, not speech-that was the wrong word. It's not like I had prepared this or anything. Just…over the past months I'd been grilled by Lisa and the question had arisen in my own mind a time or two. So as it happened coming up with various reasons to convince Lisa was not a task of spontaneity. Besides it was in my nature to overanalyze everything. The fact that I had thought at length about Jim could be attributed exactly to that.

"It was a year ago-it was over a year ago. He was the new guy in the office…" I said gesturing with my hands. I was a hopeless "hand talker" and it was especially evident when I was upset or impassioned or making a point of course, as was the case now.

"…and Don and I were in a terrible place" I said lowering my voice to a whisper as Don was in fact in the next room as we spoke.

"So I had a stupid crush on him for five minutes. And he was nice to me even though I was mean to him so I thought maybe he liked me too but the-it's-just over!" for some reason I was quickly losing the carefully crafted word structure I had chosen in my head.

"And he's really trying hard with you!" I said looking directly at Lisa. She smiled; her real genuinely happy smile. I'd always been jealous of her smile; it was the first thing I noticed when I met her actually. We'd come a long way since then. Now she was my best friend. My best friend who was really happy and smiling, because of Jim Harper.

"So if you really like him-"

"Of course I do" she jumped in

_Of course she does, it's Jim._

I just smiled and put a hand on her arm.

"There's no way to fix the air conditioning. Your choices are 90 degrees and 30 degrees" Don interrupted coming into the sitting area. Just as I was about vote in favor of an icy cold 30 the intercom buzzed.

"Who's here at midnight?" I asked peering towards the front door. We sure as hell weren't expecting anyone. Lisa jumped up to the intercom and said a tentative 'hello'.

"Hey" It took me less than a second to identify Jim's voice.

"…it's Jim." Don and Lisa both turned in my direction. I could see Lisa's eyes searching my face, asking for my permission, asking what to do. She was nervous, not a common thing for a gorgeous girl in her twenties like Lisa. I smiled widely and made a face at her, you know the kind only girls can make when they're talking about a guy.

"Oooh" I added making her laugh. It worked.

"Come on up" she said buzzing him up.

Suddenly my brain was beating out a staccato rhythm that I couldn't turn off.

_Jim is walking through the building door. Jim is climbing the stairs to our apartment. _

Thankfully Don interrupted my thoughts.

"We never got to the God question. Bachman said that God told her to run and Maggie wanted Will to ask her what God's voice sounded like" he directed at Lisa who just raised her eyebrows.

"I think it would have sealed it for us" he teased.

"If every network said 'We're not playing by your rules, you're playing by ours we'd raise the level of debate overnight. It wasn't as crazy as it sounded" I said jumping to the defense of Will. Was it so insane to believe that she and the rest of the newsroom could change something? Wasn't that the point of doing this job?

"It was _exactly_ as crazy as it sounded" Don shot back. I just made a face in return.

There was a sharp knock on the door.

_Jim is in front of our room._

Lisa turned to me again and I whispered a soft 'Good luck' before she swung open the door. From where I sat I could see Jim standing, looking a little disheveled and still in his work clothes from today.

"Hi. I wanted to talk to-" he started. Don stepped towards the door

"Hey man"

"Hey, Don. I-uh-I didn't know that you'd be-" I silently watched the short exchange, holding my breath. Why was I so nervous? I was being ridiculous.

_Jim is here to talk to my best friend Lisa. As he should be because they both really like each other. Everything is fine._

"Maggie talked me into it" My attention snapped back to Lisa. In my peripheral vision I noticed Don coming into the sitting area but my eyes were locked on the pair in our doorway.

"You don't have to pitch me, Maggie talked me into it" as Lisa explained this Jim's eyes immediately found mine. I felt my face falter and I quickly looked down. But the expression on Jim's face was…something I couldn't place. He was always giving me these looks and sometimes I'd feel my chest flutter or that feeling of nervous butterflies in my stomach, it was obviously nothing; just the remnants of a silly crush. But even this time I could tell something was different. He almost seemed _hurt_. But that didn't make sense.

As I felt his eyes returning to Lisa I looked up again-just in time to see Lisa lean in and capture his lips with hers.

_You're okay._

I moved my mouth into a smile but it slipped off of my face. I couldn't watch this. I looked down yet again. It didn't help much- a deep ache had taken root in my chest and would not let go.

"Let's go for a walk" I hear Lisa say. Jim mumbles something I don't catch. But it doesn't matter because Lisa cuts him off anyway. As she starts pulling the door closed I force myself to look up again.

_She needs this. She deserves this. _

I smile and wave but as the door closes I catch a glimpse of Jim, looking right at me.

They're gone and I can't stand any awkward pauses or silences so invoke my special skill: rambling.

"Nice ending don't ya think? Whole speech he didn't get to use"

Because I knew he had one. Jim was good at making his point that way, at least when it really mattered.

My witty conversation seemed to be falling on deaf ears though because when I look up Don's looking out the window. He's not saying anything and I stare, he's not really the type to miss an opportunity for sarcasm.

"Don?"

"Hm?" apparently he really didn't hear a word I said. But now _he's_ giving me a look, a look I haven't seen before.

"What is it?" I ask because it seems like he needs prompting. I watch him bite his lip before speaking,

"He said 'I wanted to talk to-' and then I cut him off"

I look around trying to figure out if I've had a stroke for the last few minutes and missed some integral part of the conversation.

"What are you…" but I don't have a chance to finish my question.

"Lisa wasn't the one he came here to see"

_He's talking about Jim. Jim came to see _me_. _

"I-I don't…" I try again but stop. Something is going on. Don is on edge and I try to ascertain his mood as I watch him unfold a crumpled piece of paper in his hands.

"He signed for the flowers"

I'm not even trying to smile anymore. I'm confused and…anxious. Of course, I can always count on that feeling.

_What?_

"What", I voice my thoughts.

"I have to explain something"

_The Newsroom_

We are sitting on the couch.

Don refused to say anything else until we moved onto it and sat side by side.

As I sat he finally handed me the crumpled paper. It was a note, a card really, the kind you get with a bouquet of flowers-nice flowers. It's addressed to Don. It's signed with and 'x' and an 'o'. A hug and a kiss. Or were the 'X's kisses and the 'O's hugs? I could never remember. Under them is the name 'Gina' or maybe 'Jena' I really couldn't tell, it was a little smudged. But that didn't really matter did it? Because they were for Don and they weren't from me.

Now here we are sitting side by side, me with this little note and Don talking with his hands; I guess he's an upset "hand talker" too. He's speaking and I hear words like 'break' and 'sorry' and 'meaningful'. But I'm not listening. Not really.

All I can think about is our relationship, or my perception of our relationship. Something I thought was a safe choice had apparently never really been that. There was so much I didn't know.

"_Are you a hundred percent sure?"_ Lisa's voice popped into my head.

_Not anymore._

All of the reasons I had piled together like bricks, one on top of another, building a defense of my relationship were now crumbling. Trying to get over my crush, giving Lisa pep talks it all felt like it was in defense of something…fake.

And suddenly Don's voice from earlier popped into my head. Just poof!

"_It was exactly as crazy as it sounded"_

_Jim doesn't think it's crazy. _

Despite all the thinking I did about Jim he_ was_ a friend and I _knew_ him. And I knew he wouldn't think making a change was crazy. He believed in Newsnight 2.0 it. He believed we were working to make a difference.

As I thought about this and looked down at the white card again another rogue thought materialized at the forefront of my thoughts.

_Jim wouldn't have done this. _

And this one scared me. It was related to so much…more.

I felt the walls of my relationship fort falter. I couldn't let myself think like that, then everything would really come crashing down and then where would I be?

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**I'd really appreciate it if you let me know what you thought of this! Thanks so much for reading!**


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